Word of the Week: Calculated

Not Cold. Not Controlling. Just Clear.

Let’s be honest: calculated can carry a manipulative edge. 

It’s often used to describe people who are manipulative, controlling, or overly ambitious — but really, it just means you're not winging it anymore.

And I get it — I use this word in my therapy office all the time. In my work with emotional abuse, “calculated” can absolutely describe behavior that’s meant to control or confuse. But that’s not what we’re talking about here.

This week, I’m reclaiming it.

Because being calculated doesn’t have to be about manipulation.

Sometimes it just means you’re moving with intention, not panic.

With clarity, not chaos.

Right now, the world feels like a lot. Everything is fast, loud, reactive. And when you're stuck in fight-or-flight — whether because of the news, your inbox, or your personal life — impulsive choices start to feel like survival.

But what if being calculated was your nervous system saying: slow down.

What if it’s your body’s quiet way of creating peace when everything else feels chaotic?

Calculated doesn’t have to mean cold. It can mean measured. Aligned. Intentional.

It can mean:

• you’re choosing your responses instead of reacting from anxiety

• you’re pausing instead of spiraling

• you’re protecting your peace without over-explaining it

  
  
  
  

Helpful Tip: Use the “peace filter.”

When everything feels urgent, ask yourself:

Am I making this decision from fear… or from alignment?A calculated choice usually comes with calm. No panic. No pressure. Just clarity.

ORRRR

Try This: The 24-Hour Rule

If you feel the urge to respond, commit, or decide right now — don’t.

Give it 24 hours.

Let the adrenaline settle. Let your nervous system breathe. Let your clarity catch up.

This isn’t avoidance — it’s regulation. You’re allowed to say,

“I need a day to think about that.”

And if it can’t wait 24 hours? That might be a sign the situation is driving urgency, not alignment.

A little context for your nervous system:

Research from the American Psychological Association shows that chronic stress reduces decision-making accuracy— but when people are encouraged to pause and reflect, their choices improve significantly.

Being calculated isn’t about control. It’s about getting out of survival mode long enough to choose what actually supports you.

So yes, “calculated” might still raise a few eyebrows — and that’s okay. (You all know it's totally on-brand for me to stir the pot with anything that makes people shift in their seats a little.)

You’re not here to make everyone comfortable. You’re here to make decisions that make sense for you.

This week, give yourself permission to pause, think it through, and move with intention.Not because you’re cold.

Because you’re clear.

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About the Author: Carrie Summers, LCSW

Therapist • Mental Health Educator • Safe Space Creator

Carrie Summers is MDW’s trusted voice for all things mental health.

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and the founder of Noreila Healing & Wellness in Wheaton, Illinois, Carrie brings a deep commitment to creating inclusive, judgment-free spaces where all people feel seen, supported, and safe.

Whether working one-on-one with clients or shaping mental health conversations within the MDW community, Carrie leads with warmth, insight, and advocacy.

Her therapeutic style is person-centered, strengths-based, and trauma-informed, grounded in the belief that every individual already holds the potential for healing within.

Carrie supports clients navigating a wide range of challenges, including perinatal mental health, relationship stress, divorce and separation, narcissistic abuse recovery, and major life transitions. Her work is guided by a commitment to meeting people exactly where they are.

Carrie holds a Perinatal Mental Health Certification from Postpartum Support International (PSI), allowing her to provide specialized care for individuals facing fertility struggles, postpartum mood disorders, and the often overlooked experience of hyperemesis gravidarum (HG).

She also serves clients as a certified Divorce Coach, helping people move through endings with clarity and empowerment.

“Healing happens when people feel heard. I want every person to know they matter and that there’s no shame in their story." - Carrie

Carrie offers both in-person and virtual therapy sessions through her private practice, ensuring flexibility and access for clients throughout Illinois.

Outside the therapy room, you’ll find Carrie joyfully curating her next Nordstrom haul (no apologies) and fully embracing the philosophy that treating yourself is a form of self-respect. Reach out to Carrie at (630) 474-5275 or carrie@noreilahealing.com